i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
