then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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