Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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