He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
