Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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