My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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