Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He shit in the fireplace
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
