You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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