Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
