you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
