Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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