There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
