dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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