Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
