Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
