well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
