If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your cock deserves a montage
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
