you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
