why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
