She said her name was "party"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
