i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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