she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to make a zoo with you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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