i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
