I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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