She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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