I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize