she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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