You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize