I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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