Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
