My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
