Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
