Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
