she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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