His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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