i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
