I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
