so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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