There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
