Cold hands, warm shart.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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