morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
