I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
