I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
