ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
