so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize