I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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