you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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