She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
