woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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