She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
did you just send me my own nude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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