He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
