weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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