the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
