My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
