Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
