I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize