i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
