She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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