apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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