i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
