We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
