I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We have so much sex to catch up on
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
