Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
not ubering you a puppy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
