..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
