no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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