I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
