she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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