remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
