Tell her she can't have a vagina
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
be right there i have to get my cape
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
