i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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