Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
