oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
