you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
