I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize